I have a friend who is married to a "not very nice" man. He is overbearing, controlling, and has had about as many affairs as Tiger Woods. No exaggeration. She knows about them, too. But for whatever reason, she chooses to stay with him and be miserable. I really think she is completely afraid of being alone, even though she is smart, competent, and would be so much happier if she didn't have his bad behavior continually dragging her down. Its hard, you know? I mean I KNOW its hard on her, but its hard for me too. When she is upset about his latest (fill in the blank...affair, binge, gambling spree...etc) she confides in me and tells me all of his sins that have rendered her in tears for the gazillionth time. But then, after he comes to his senses and realizes that she "might" actually leave him (she basically supports him, as he prefers to work only on rare occasions so he has free time to pursue his long string of hobbies) he comes back, apologizing profusely, buying her flowers (with HER bank account more often than not), and promising that he will never stray again and is ready to clean his act up. She falls for it. EVERY SINGLE TIME! And then somehow, even though she has told me all of these things that are absolutely unforgivable, I am supposed to act like nothing happened, and like he is the world's nicest guy because she wants to believe that its true. It makes me want to vomit. Seriously.
Sometimes I consider backing off from being her friend. I can't take it, watching her suffer time and time again, and then pretending that everything is fine and dandy once he offers the apology. I can't change her mind. She pretends to listen to me, and agree that she is at the end of her patience....but then....she just can't bring herself to break free and figure out how to be a happy SINGLE woman.
I don't get it. I really, really, REALLY do NOT get it at all. And in a sense, she needs me. Without someone to tell these things to, she is all alone with her misery.
But venting and putting the burden of knowing what the situation is like on me...its really wearing me down. If I could hog tie her and drag her off someplace for about a month or so, maybe I could break her of his evil spell. But until then....???
I just wish women could wake up to the fact that its the 21st century. Women can be self-sufficient and independent. Its not a detriment to NOT have a man. And unless you can find a GOOD man, being single is the absolute best thing that you can be. It kills me how many women put up with so much crap, and then talk themselves into believing that its ok.
I used to listen to this radio talk show psychologist, Dr. Joye Brown. She might still be on the air, but her program changed times, and somehow I lost track. But she always gave out this little pearl of wisdom to women who weren't sure if they should stay in their current relationship: Imagine that you won the lottery tomorrow. You could have anything, do anything, and go anywhere that you wanted.
Can you imagine having your partner with you while you enjoy your unlimited bounty? Or would you feel secure enough to walk away, knowing that you didn't need him anymore? If you would walk, then don't wait on the lottery win to do it. It is NOT worth it.
For the record, this has NOTHING to do with my husband, who is absolutely perfect in every single way (he reads this occasionally...LOL). I would definitely take him with me to enjoy the spoils of my win. And after we traveled the world over, we would come back and set up a foundation to save homeless animals. And after that....? I may set out on a worldwide crusade to educate and encourage women to believe in themselves.
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