Friday, August 13, 2010

And they are off.....

My Indiana-bound convoy took off this morning around 9am. I had to leave for work around 8. You know, I made it through the packing up of the house, loading it on the truck, and enjoying the kids for the evening here at our house with nary a tear. But when I got that last hug from Stephen as I walked out the door, that did it. The tears flowed and I couldn't help it. I managed to pull myself together enough to appear normal (I think..hopefully) at work. I got through the day. And as of a half hour or so, the convoy is still rolling away towards Lafayette. They weren't even quite halfway, and I am sure they are going to have to find someplace to spend the night and finish the trip tomorrow morning. It makes me feel exhausted just thinking about it, but I never really enjoy road trips.

But anyway, I am going to have a weekend of self-indulgence. It's been a long hard emotional week, and I feel like its my right. I am going to eat ice cream for breakfast and have wine and chocolate for dinner if I happen to feel like it. I may nap, or I may have a good cry, or I may shop, or I may just curl up on the couch with the cats and watch hours and hours of mindless tv like Cake Boss, Hoarders, or House Hunters. Who knows what I might do. But hopefully when real life and work rolls around again on Monday morning, I will feel rested and ready to go with it. I am going to be just fine. And so will the kids. Just send us all some happy thoughts that everything goes smoothly and they slide right in to life in the mid-west. I can't fathom it. I have never been there....I know the area they are moving too is really conservative. I also know that they drove long miles through cornfields and nothing but religious or country music on the radio. It may be a touch of culture shock, but while it may be different it will definitely be a new experience with a lot of new things to see and do. I hope all of you have a great weekend ahead.

Monday, August 9, 2010

I'm not quite right....

I am really not quite right at the moment. I am still feeling sad, I guess. This evening I was in the kitchen chopping veggies for a salad, and Bruce turned on some music. Sad music. Well, its sad to me. Do you remember this really old song "Seasons in the Sun". The lyrics go something like:

Good-bye Michelle, it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky....

And I could tell right away it was going to make me cry. That song depresses me on a really good day. I asked him to please turn it off. And he did for a few seconds, but then it came on again as he was adjusting something on the television and Netflix. I don't know what or why. But hearing it again, even a couple of seconds of it just got to me. I burst into tears and hid out in my room until I could get myself together. He came in to check on me and honestly? He seems to be totally surprised that I am sad. My dog just died, my son is moving a thousand miles away....and yeah....I am sad and feel entitled to be sad. I will be fine in a few days. Its this waiting for the awful part of watching them drive away on Friday that is hard. I will get over it and start looking forward to a visit to see their new place soon. In September. I will be fine. But in the meantime, over the course of these next few days, please do NOT play sad music in my presence.
Because for the moment, I am just not right. One day I will look back on all this and laugh. I am sure of it.