Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Hell Explained...

I received this in an email today....


The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2.If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."


Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Things I wanted to say:

1. No, my laptop is NOT back yet. Its driving me crazy. The latest update is that they hope to have it back to me by the 15th...? Apparently they are having problems getting some part. Even though this is the HP repair center, and even though its less than a year old. You would think an HP repair center would actually have the necessary parts on hand. Maybe I am expecting too much?

2. My back....AARRRGGG! It got way better. To the point that I was only feeling a slight twinge now and then. But today I managed to screw that all up again. I have no idea what I did to it either. It hurts worse than ever.
I can't get comfortable sitting, standing or lying down. And this happens to suck. I am contemplating taking a couple of days off because my son graduates this weekend, and I WILL be there come hell or high water or extreme back pain. Maybe a couple of days of babying it will keep it in check? My body defies me right now.

3. My son....did I mention that he graduates this weekend? From college? I can't tell you how happy and proud I am. He struggled a little with spanish. And he had a string of unsavory roommates (remind me later to tell you about his sophomore year in the dorm with the kid we refer to as "the chronic masturbater"...oh my!). There were probably at least 3 separate occasions when I really thought he was going to just throw in the towel and give up. My son and I are genetically programmed to just give things up if it gets too hard. He came by that part honestly. My daughter and hubby....they are too competitve to throw in the towel.
Son and I.....well, we have always laughed at those cheesy horror movies that we watch and talk about how things get to a point where we would just go ahead and lay down and let the maniac ax-murderer just kill us. You if I broke a nail while trying to escape. Haha. But he made it. And....he got the acceptance letter from grad school. Applied linguistics. Yeah, I am not really sure what that means, but it sounds important and all. He made it through and I am thrilled to go see him graduate this Saturday.

4. A horrifying story that I wanted to tell you. A friend of mine, Debbie, had an incident with her 9 year old daughter this past week-end. The girl was playing outside on Saturday when she felt something crawl up her back into her shirt. She went running into the house screaming that a lizard was on her. She was having a fit, crying and hysterical. When they shook out her shirt and started to pull it over her head, just guess what fell out? A 6-7 inch long baby water moccasin. Some people call them cottonmouths. But no matter what you happen to call it, those are extremely poisonous snakes and not something you want to mess around with. Luckily, it didn't bite that child. I would have died. Like had a massive heart attack and given up the ghost (refer to my survival tactics from #3). Even hearing that story has traumatized me.

5. Soon after graduation, we will be gearing up for my son's wedding. He certainly planned a whole lot of life-changing events for the month of May. But I am looking forward to all of this.
People keep asking me if I am feeling a little bit sad that I am losing my "baby" (well, he is the youngest child). And the answer to that is no. I don't feel like I'm losing anything at all. What I am really doing is gaining another daughter, and that is going to be an awesome thing. It changes the balance within the family structure to female dominance....hahaha. Girls RULE!!!!

6. My daughter's birthday is a little over a week away. I think she feels a little overshadowed by her brother's string of high profile events. But rest assured that we have not forgotten our beloved baby girl. She has made a big decision to take on a roommate and move into a house closer to campus. This is after living alone in an apartment for the past several years. Roommate is a guy, but for those of you who may be shocked by this, she swears they are just friends. She really is excited though. The wheels of interior decorating are turning. My child has a real ability to turn a plain ordinary space into something really unique and pretty. If science doesn't work out for her (I know it will, but ...) she could always get into the interior design field. I'm hoping to have some time over the summer to go up and visit her. I want to see the house and possibly give her some of those feng shui tips that make her eyes roll....haha.
She can make it pretty, but I want to make it have a positive energy flow. Yeah...I can pretty much sense the eye roll from here. hahaha.