Saturday, November 7, 2009


Fear, the concept of it, has been foremost in my mind these past several weeks. The murder of Buddy's Aunt and Uncle, the missing girl in Charlottesville, the heinous shootings at Fort Hood...the list goes on and on. Its insane. Its scary. Its enough to make anybody want to lock their doors and hide under their beds for the rest of their lives. What's the point of reasonable risk and throwing caution to the wind? I think that's more my question.

I am well acquainted with fear. I grew up with fear. Not that my childhood was fraught with danger or anything. But my mother, bless her soul, was phobic about almost everything. Her message to me was that danger lurks around every corner.
Flying was a death sentence. Traveling outside the country was an invitation to maiming, torture and unspeakable horrors. Also making the list: being out and about alone at night, bars and nightclubs, strangers, heights, bridges, thrill rides at amusement parks, swimming in the ocean, driving in unfamiliar territory, rest stops...honestly, there is not enough space on this blog to list it all.

Its a wonder I have been able to lead a halfway normal life. My daughter gets annoyed by my nervous "checking up" on her. When the poor girl went missing in her town, I had to call and check up on Erica about once a day, just to say, "I hope you haven't been abducted today". My mom was horrified about abductions. When my children were really little, she would call me, and send newspaper clippings (this is before the internetz) of every case that made the news to make damn sure that I was aware of the potential dangers and was staying on my toes to watch over and protect my babies.

My mother let fear limit her life. I guess she weighed her options and decided that being safe was worth more to her than being sorry. I can't live my life that way.
The limitations are too strict. I wouldn't be able to go out and enjoy my "Girl's Night Out" if I followed those rules. I wouldn't be able to take a cruise, fly to a vacation spot, or drive up to visit my daughter. I would alienate my children with my incessant phobias. I can't do it. A part of me WANTS to do it. I still hear Mom's voice disapproving everything that I do that might be a potential risk. The news constantly tries to reinforce that danger really DOES lurk everywhere, no matter what you do. Its something that I still struggle with. But, I am determined to keep living my life, somehow. I believe that if we give in to fear, if we stop enjoying the good things, then the bad guys win. I don't know. How do you deal with it? Are you able to put thoughts of the bad things that are plastered all over the news aside? Do you make concessions and compromises to hopefully stay safer?

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


I want to write a long post about how much fun we had on our trip (Lots). Maybe pass on a few of the highlights (like Barb winning the slots tournament). But its really hard for me to do that right now. While we were gone, my brother-in-law (Buddy) lost his Aunt and Uncle in a brutal robbery/murder in my hometown area in SC. There was a double funeral on Halloween afternoon.

I knew his Aunt, although the press calls her Jo Ann and I only ever knew her as Aunt Ducky. Its funny how I don't think I ever heard her by any name other than Ducky. I'm sure I met Buddy's Uncle as well, at some point or another, but I don't remember.
What I do know is that this couple was retired and they liked to travel and socialize.
They enjoyed life. Its a sad situation that nobody should have to go through. My thoughts and prayers go out to Buddy's family. They have been through a whole lot over the past couple of years.


Monday, November 2, 2009

Good times....Serious fun. I will write some more about all the fun as soon as I get a chance. There was a whole lot of unpacking, laundry, and putting stuff away to do.
But as soon as I get myself all caught up, I will be back to blog about the trip. It was most excellent though.