Saturday, February 9, 2008

Marriage

Marriage is NOT easy. In the past couple of days I have almost killed my husband, AND inadvertently, accidentally gotten divorced. Clearly I have been a busy woman as of late.

As far as the "Divorce" goes, I was updating some stuff on my Facebook profile. I had listed myself as "in a relationship", because the marriage option required too much other stuff. Like your husband's name, and your maiden name, etc. But I decided to go ahead and make it public that I was married to my guy, so I deleted my "in a relationship" status. And then the phone rang. Actually, my friend Sherri sent me a text message having to do with the ongoing trauma/drama that my work place loves to dish out. And I got distracted. Seriously, its not hard to do. Distract me, that is. I forgot about Facebook. And I didn't realize that it didn't just clear my status, but it made an announcement that "Rebecca is NO LONGER IN a relationship."
HAHAHAHA. I got a strange phonecall from my daughter yesterday. She wanted to know why I was NO LONGER in a relationship. Like....is there something she needed to know? Or even more accurately, if one reads between the lines, "Are you getting a divorce and moving up here to ruin/micro-manage my life and drive me crazy???" But I went back and fixed the Facebook problem. I am, once again, married and/or IN a relationship. My daughter can relish the relief.

And then there is the "killing my husband" thing. Its about that stupid plane. The one that is stuck in the tree (still). He just can't leave it alone. He has become obsessed with getting that thing down. And, let me make it clear that he went out and bought ANOTHER plane, so its not about having the plane. He just can't stand to see it mocking him like that. And so.....he came up with the brilliant idea of stringing a rope high in the tree, tying himself up in a homemade kind of halter thingie, and then attaching said rope to the lawn tractor so I could hoist him 70 feet above the ground to knock the plane out of the branch that its stuck in. I adamantly refused over and over again, ALL WEEK LONG. Does that REALLY sound like a good idea to anyone? Risking life and limb for a toy plane???? Um, I don't think so.

But when I got home from work yesterday afternoon, he had ignored my refusals and had the stage all set for the great plane rescue. He had used a slingshot to get the rope into place. The tractor was gassed up, and in position with the rope all tied in perfect knots for the hoisting. All he needed was me to drive the tractor. And somehow, in a moment of weakness (I was tired, dammit) I agreed. He made it about a foot or so off the ground before the rope just snapped.
And I felt positively sick. What if the rope had held out long enough to haul him 60-70 feet in the air before it broke???? He would be dead right now. Or severely injured, or something else unpleasant.

Is it wrong to wish for a hurricane right about now to blow this thing out of the tree so my husband can get over it??? All he had to say about it is: "I need thicker rope."
God help me....................................................................................

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your husband sounds a lot like mine. He gets something in his head, and he is obssessed!! He rigged up something with a rope, a pulley and our riding lawn mower, trying to get our boat our of the lake (we live on a lake) because it was stuck on a sand bar and his truck was in the shop. I knew it was a bad idea, this little lawn mower looker even smaller next to the boat, that he was going to try to push. Of course the rope snape, I almost flipped overbackwards in the lawn mower and he almost got crushed by the boat. I think Divorce or maybe it was murder, was on my mind that day.......I really do think we got the smart, common sense gene. Generally, my husband is very intelligent, he runs a High School. This was so stupid!!
By the way, don't let him do it with thicker rope! That high of a fall sounds too painful! Can't the fire department come?

Hannia said...

if this story wasn't true, it'd be extremely funny. in a couple of years we'll have stories to tell the children! :-P

i'm glad bruce is okay. tell him you want him alive to see his grandchildren in a couple of years... maybe that'll keep him controlled.

MdG said...

Ha! That is the best husband story I have heard in a long time.
And, there's one more reason for me to deny Sarge a riding lawnmower or tractor if he should ever want one. I'll just tell hime "You'll only be up to no good with it."

Diana said...

that facebook thingie is too funny!

dennis said...

perhaps he needs a cable and one of those rigs that deer hunters use to tie themselves in the trees?

has he tried throwing rocks at it?

Hannia said...

i heard bruce was trying to get ME to do it. apparently I'm light enough!

Mon said...

Omg....i just found your blog, that was so funny i'm almost in tears. Well, not the part about killing your husband, but about him being obsessed with a toy plane in a tree...

I love the way you write!