Every week day morning our alarm goes off at precisely 6:20 am (giving me the time necessary to make it in to my office by 8:00 with precious few seconds to spare). Consequently, our preset coffee maker is set to brew at 6:15, because waiting for coffee at such a rude and unseemly hour is just unthinkable. And every day, as that annoying buzz begins (our alarm clock has a torture feature that makes the buzzer grow progressively louder to make it harder to ignore) I have come to realize that a very similar string of thoughts play out in my head.
1. Buzzer goes off at a halfway civilized volume. It's not too threatening yet. I can ignore it and incorporate it into my dream....what's that? Maybe it's just my phone buzzing in the latest text message from Johnny Depp. Mmmmm, yeah. Definitely Johnny again. What? Didn't I tell you that Johnny texts me constantly in my dreams? LOL.
2. Buzzer begins to invade my consciousness. I WOULD regard it with growing concern, but obviously it's Saturday and we just forgot to NOT set the alarm. I only have to feel mild annoyance instead. I really must speak to my husband about not using the alarm clock on weekends. Its just the force of habit. Because it IS Saturday, right? Or Sunday? Really, I will gladly take either one. But surely that alarm has GOT to be a huge mistake. Right?
3. Buzzer is becoming increasingly obnoxious. Vulgar even. I feel offended by it. More than that, I feel positively violated by it as I begin to realize with dawning horror that
it is NOT the weekend. My mind starts racing....I could call in sick and
then snuggle right back into my dreams. Ooops, wait, already did that
LAST week when I was really sick. It probably wouldn't go over real well with the boss to do it again so soon. Damn it.
4. Buzzer is now screaming loud enough that the whole county is probably wide awake by now. I still lie, immobilized with dread, as I wildly grasp at mental straws and last ditch efforts. We could sell the house. After all, the kids are all out on their own now. We could sell everything and go be beach bums somewhere in the Caribbean. Buy a small shack, pick pineapples for a living....it would be great. Stress free, care free. I could just go
Back to sleep right now, at this one moment, and then...after we both get fired from our jobs, plan our great escape, call a realtor, google how one actually does harvest a pineapple.....
5. By now, the buzzer is deafening, so I finally reach over and shut it off. And all of this brainstorming over how to avoid starting my day has stirred up a HUGE craving for coffee. And then, oh well. Since I am up and have caffeine in hand, going on and getting ready for work seems suddenly like a whole lot less work than planning an escape. The path of least resistance, I guess. Maybe tomorrow I will come up with a more ingenious plan, or maybe it really will be Saturday. Who knows....maybe tomorrow will be the day that I wake up to an actual text from Johnny Depp. I like to believe that anything is possible.
1 comment:
You could get a phone in your bedroom that will wake you by music. I have one and when I was working that is the way it woke me up.
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