Funeral

Barb asked, "Do you not want a funeral?". And that is a very good question. I don't know. I want my family to do whatever is comforting for them at the time. I feel like I will probably be someplace better and it won't make any difference to me. But I know that society dictates a certain etiquette, so....? I just know that for me, grief is private. What I wanted when my mother died was to have a week or so alone just to process things in my brain. Time to pull myself together, cry it all out, and try to feel like a human being again. I didn't want to answer calls, make plans, figure out food, or receive visitors until I felt like I had a handle on the situation. Then...maybe I could have handled a public funeral for people to pay their last respects. Maybe. As it was, I was so beside myself with shock that I don't remember much about that day. Those couple of days when we were doing all those necessary things to plan a funeral are a complete blur. I wouldn't have gotten through it without Bruce, I do know that. I have no idea who came, who didn't, who I spoke with or what I wore. All I remember was wanting to curl up in a ball in my bed and to be left alone. I realize everybody processes things differently, and a public funeral is expected. I seriously doubt I will be allowed to rewrite the rules anytime soon. My thoughts are just that it should be about bringing comfort to the ones still here. Of course, maybe having lots of people around to pay respects does bring comfort to some people....I will be the first to admit I am odd and reclusive. So, probably its just me. Funerals are just hard. And thats all I have to say about that.